Hidden
by mcoiex
Summary: Logan leaves Rory without a reason, but reality is really different from appearance. Logan Angst. Rogan with a little bit literati first.
1. Chapter 1

"Please, shut up. I can't stand you anymore."

"What do you mean?" Rory said, her voice shivering and painful.

"I. Can't. Stand. You. Any. More. Is it really hard to understand?"

Rory stood in silence, her eyes full of tears. Logan has been acting eerily for a pair of weeks, and he was becoming more nervous every single day.

"I can't bear your faultlessness, your ethic, your "charming" smile one more day." he said bitingly. "This is a breakup, Rory, a real one. I'm moving and I don't want to hear from you."

Without a single word, Logan took his case and went away. Rory stood in front of the door, wordless and astonished. She felt no pain, no anger, nothing at all. She just felt empty, as if someone had stolen her own heart and thrown it far. Two weeks later they were happy and satisfied, they were even talking about marriage, and now he had gone.

He had gone and she didn't even know why. However, there was so much rage in his voice, so much hate.

This was definitely the end, Rory was pretty sure there was no reason to hope he would have come back.

She was alone, again.

At the same time Logan was seating in his car. His eyes were full of tears too, but he was a man and he wouldn't have cried. There was no need to do so, it wasn't going to solve his problem. He breathed deeply and turned the car on. Someone was waiting for him and he doesn't want to be late.

This could have been the last time he had seen Rory, he perfectly knew it, however, he couldn't change things. Leaving her alone and disappearing was the right decision.

His father's voice was still resounding in his ears, he could not stop it.

_"Come on, Logan, I have no time for it. We have no more time for you. I spent all my life watching you putting yourself into troubles, getting drunk, going to jail, jumping from a flop to another. This is too much for us, Logan. I can pay, that's all. Now, please, go away, I have a lot of work to do."_

_"I need your money to pay for this, but first of all I need someone to be..."_

_"To be? To be what? Maybe to lose some more time close to you?"_

_"You're right. Nobody deserves to lose his time with me. Goodbye, Mr. Huntzberger."_

A hour later he reached his destination, parked his car and went to the reception.

"Good Evening. I'm Logan Huntzberger."

"Good Evening, Sir. Sit down and wait for a moment, please."

Five minutes later a pretty girl came close to him.

"Good evening,. Mr. Huntzberger. My name is Emily and I'm here to help you. Can I bring your case?"

"I can do it myself."

"Let me carry it, please, I'm here for you."

"Well, if you insist, you're welcome."

"Are you feeling well? Has your journey been tiring?"

"Quite well, as well as possible, I suppose."

Emily opened a white door and they both entered a wide, sunny room.

"This is your bed; there's another one next to yours, it is for your family or friends."

"Nobody's coming." he said bitterly, and Emily noticed a sad shadow darken his handsome face.

"Well, I'll be right here, so call me whenever you need something, Mr. Huntzberger."

"I think in the next days you will get to know me better than most of my friends, so, please, call me Logan."

"Ok, Logan, we should unpack your luggage now."

**AN Sorry for my mistakes, I'm not a native speaker. Both laudations and criticism will be welcomed.**


	2. Chapter 2

"You should sit down and relax now, you look exhausted." Emily ordered.

Logan stared at her for a moment, then he did as he had been ordered to.

Emily opened his suitcase and started putting his personal belongings back into the small wardrobe behind his bed. She found some t-shirts, pyjamas and underwear, and that was all.

Actually, this was pretty unusual. Patients usually brought with them a lot of stuff which made them feel like home as much as possible, which made them feel less alone and ill. She was wondering about this when she saw a frame on the bottom of the case. A beautiful girl with big, blue eyes was smiling from the photo. She looked happy and satisfied.

"Definitely, he isn't alone." she thought.

"Is she your wife?"

"No, she isn't" he answered.

"Oh… I'm sorry, Sir."

"Don't worry. And I am Logan, please. I can ensure you I'm not a Sir."

"Ok. The fact is that I'm not used to call my patients using their first name. Anyway, now you should put your pyjamas on and have a rest. Doctor Moery's going to run some tests on you this evening. Your surgery is scheduled at 11 o'clock tomorrow morning. Have you got any question about it?"

"No questions."

This was also quite unusual. He didn't seem to be scared or worried, just … well, exhausted was the right term to describe him, exhausted and dazed.

"Let me check your temperature now, then I'll go away to let you sleep. Would you like me to provide some sedative for you?"

"No, thanks, I don't need sleeping draught."

Emily took a thermometer and put it into his ear.

"Your temperature is 105. It's a little higher then It's supposed to be. I'm going to give you an aspirin."

"Fine."

"Any pain?"

"Just headache and stomachache, but it's bearable."

"Do you need something else? Maybe a hot tea?"

"I'm ok."

"Then have a good rest. I'm going to wake you up in a couple of hours."

"Ok. Than you Emily, thanks a lot."

"You're welcome." she answered, and with a huge smile she went out.

Logan laid down and covered himself. He was cold and his head was aching badly but he didn't want to sleep. He was in need to think clearly.

Rory was probably crying now, she was probably moving from their apartment, coming back to Stars Hollow, to her mother and her life.

Rory probably hated him now, and she was right.

He had been diagnosed with lymphoma two weeks ago. It was at third stadium and there were metastasis in different organs. This was not common between 23 years old boys.

His father would have paid for the best surgeon, the best hospital, the best therapies, but he knew there was little hope for him to survive for more than six months.

He loved Rory more then his own life and didn't want her to go through this ordeal with him. If he really had to die there was no need for her to have her life destroyed. So, he decided to disappear.

He started behaving as bad as possible, cheating, shouting and he was even unfaithful to her and made her discover it. Finally, he left her. He knew that if she had loathed him, she would not have tried to find him.

During the first few days he was worried because he was sure Rory would have found out the truth, he was sure there love was such a certain point in their life that she couldn't have believed this was his real behaviour. However, he was wrong. Rory thought he was behaving like that because he was frightened of responsibility, frightened of being an adult, and she thought he wanted his freedom back. Remembering his past was easier than looking at his present.

"I'm a good actor." he thought. "You won't suffer, Ace, I promise you won't."

He hoped his family would have helped him, but his father had been frank and honest. They had no time for him. Since he had refused to become their heir, they didn't seem to be interested in having any kind of relationship with him.

Logan sighed. He would have got over this by his own efforts. He would have survived and taken his Rory back.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he didn't manage to. It was too cold in there.

At the same time Emily was observing his new patient behind the glass. A week ago she had been employed by Mr. Huntzberger senior to nurse his son who was ill with cancer. The hospital was one of the best of USA and there was obviously a professional staff but he wanted someone to be there for his son 24/7. She thought Mr. Huntzberger was grieved and anguished and that he desired his son to be cured carefully. This was what she expected from a father who can afford a private nurse, but where was he?

Logan had arrived using his own car, and he had said that nobody was going to stay here with him. Why was he so lonely? Why wasn't his family coming? Hasn't he got a girlfriend or simply friends?

She couldn't imagine what kind of person she was working for, he could be arrogant, selfish and rude, but he looked kind, and it was odd for any sick person to be completely alone.

"This can't be how things are." she said to herself. "Someone is surely coming. Maybe he's just afraid and doesn't want me to know it."

He looked at the bed an saw him cherish that photo. She wondered who that girl was again.

OOoOoOo

As soon as he heard footsteps on the floor Logan opened his eyes. He had been awake for the whole time, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Rory, about her anger, her tears, her pain.

"She doesn't deserve this." he thought.

"Good evening. Did you sleep well?"

"Of course I did."

"You don't look like someone who has just spent two hours peacefully sleeping.

"I have."

"Did you remember not to eat today?"

"I've been fasting since yesterday."

"Very good man. Now I'm going to take a blood sample and Doctor Moery's coming to examine you in ten minutes, then you're going to have an MRI."

"I'm going to be very busy."

"Come on, you're going to sleep all day round tomorrow."

"What a lazy guy I am."

Emily smiled. He was fun and friendly. Most of the people she had taken care of were impossible the day before a major surgery, otherwise he didn't mind to joke, and she was sure he wasn't trying to exorcise his fear; he was just having fun.

"So. Your father employed me just a week ago and I've had no time to learn something about you, so, why don't you tell me something?"

"What do you want to know?"

"How old are you?"

"I'm 23."

"Where do you live?"

"New Haven."

"Oh. Do you attend Yale? You must be clever."

"Believe me, I'm not clever, my father's rich."

"I see. What year do you attend?"

"Third year. I was supposed to graduate in June."

"I'm sure you will. Maybe not in June, but you will."

"Nurses should not lie."

"You should believe you'll get out of this."

"I suppose so, I want to."

"This is the right attitude. Well done."

"What about you, Emily?"

"I'm 29 and I live in New York."

"Have you got a boyfriend?"

"Yes, I have. His name is Nate and he's a nurse too. What about you?"

"I haven't a girlfriend."

"Are you a playboy?"

"No, I'm not." he laughed. "I was, actually."

"Ok, Mr. ex-Playboy, please give me your arm."

"You're welcome."

She took it and insert a needle into his vein.

"Hey, you're wonderful. I've felt no pain."

"Hey, I'm a professionalist, you know."

He laughed again and suddenly he collapsed.

Emily put her fingers on his neck and she noticed weak pulses, too weak pulses. She pressed the alert button and tried to wake him up. A minute later, he came to.

"I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry, this is regular. You must have been in a lot of stress, maybe your blood pressure had fell down."

"I'm really embarrassed too."

"This is silly, you don't have to."

A tall, red-haired man entered the room.

"What's up?"

"A syncope, I suppose. He looks fine now. Good evening. Dr. Moery."

"Good evening, Emily, and good evening to you, Mr. Huntzberger."

"I'm Logan."

"Fine. Now, I'm going to examine you, then you're having an MRI and an extra ECG. After that, Dr. Sears, the surgeon, is going to examine you."

Logan glanced at Rory smiling from his night table.

"I must be strong, I must get over this." he said to himself, although thinking about facing the surgery and the therapy all alone made him felt miserable, desperately miserable.

"That's fine." he answered politely.

"Helen is going to help me know. Emily, you can go home. Please, be back at 6 o'clock tomorrow morning."

Emily was doubtful. She came closer to Logan and said in alow voice: "Would you like me to stay here? I can stay if you need me."

"You're too kind, Emily." he answered, although having someone with him would have been comforting. "Have a good evening and thanks a lot again."

**AN This isn't a rehab but I hope you still like it. I'm going to do the best I can to write a good story but I need your advices and criticism, so please go on reading and reviewing. The next chapter will be about Rory's desperation and Jess coming back from New York. This story is going to be really angst but also romantic and somewhere fun I hope. Do you like angst? I hope so. Thanks a lot to CorkyGilmore, Jennyferr, chocoholic4824, Dazzled1, raspberrysorbet34, MAC-and-ACE, ilovegilmoregirls913, dude, lexhuntzberger, Annie, coffeeaddict1515, NeitiX. If you want let me know your opinion about this chapter too. See you soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

Rory was seating on the floor into her bedroom, her old bedroom in Stars Hollow. The evening before she had packaged all her stuff and she had come back to her mother's house. She was now surrounded by boxes and cases full of any sort of things, all of them reminding her the life she had shared with Logan for the past year.

She really wanted to cry but she was too bewildered to do it. Logan had been incredibly detestable in the previous two weeks, and it was clear that their relationship was going through a crisis. He had even been unfaithful to her, going out and doing only God knows what with a silly eighteen years old barmaid, but she was sure they can overcome that terrible period. She absolutely didn't expect him to leave her.

She couldn't believe that Logan had really gone. It was so unreal. Damn it, they were talking about marriage! She knew that Logan had been a playboy, but she was sure he had grown up in the past year. He really seemed to desire to share his life with her.

Rory was sure that Logan loved her, and facing the fact that this wasn't the truth was too much for her. She loved him.

Anyway, she decided that this time she wouldn't have forgiven him, even if he would have come back with some stupid, showy contrivance to make her change her mind. This time he had gone over the edge. This was the end.

Rory heard someone knocking on the door.

"Come on." she said.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Just thinking, mum, just thinking."

"You've always thought too much."

"What else could I do?"

"You could have lunch with your wonderful mother."

"This could be a good idea."

"This is a wonderful idea. You know I can't see you sad for more than a couple of hours, so it would be better for you to forget what happened and smile by tomorrow morning if you don't want me to die just in front of you."

"Mrs. Danes, do you still remember anything about love pain?"

"Well, I'm not sure about it, but I'm not looking forward to learning again."

"My God, you are maddening."

"This the way you love me."

Rory smiled. She was lucky. Her mother would have always loved her, no matter what had happened, no matter she was right or wrong. She had a den to go to any time she was in need to escape from the world. She was broken now, it would have been hard to get over this, but she would have managed to. Her mother was there for her, and so were Luke, Lane, Paris, her grandparents and her whole city.

Feeling slightly better, she got dressed and went downstairs.

Ten minutes later they were at Luke's.

"Hi Rory. It's marvellous to see you here. What do you want to eat? Eggs? Bacon? Pancakes? Apple pie? Would you like something new? I can prepare anything you like. What would you like?"

"Luke, don't worry, it's alright. I'm fine. Eggs and bacon are ok."

"Eggs and bacon. Ok. Are you sure? I can provide anything you want to."

"Luke, calm down."

"Ok, ok."

"He's really worried for you. He's never liked Logan."

"I know it."

"I'm worried, too. What do you think you're doing now?"

"I think I can stay here for some days, then I'm going to come back to Yale. I'm not going to lose my graduation session because of the fact that Logan is an idiot. I can have Paris' spare room. It would be nice, although I will have to see Paris and Doyle pretending to fight every single day."

"You look really determined."

"I am. I'm not allowing him to destroy my life, not again."

"Listen to me, Rory. It's a good idea to work hard to forget your troubles, but you can't deny he deluded you. This isn't healthy. You must face it; this is the only way to really forget."

"I will face it, but please, can we talk about something else now?"

"What do you prefer? Plague, famine?"

"Famine sounds nice."

"It was 1634..."

"Mum. Shut up."

"Ok, ok."

"I have to go to the Inn." Lorelai announced ten minutes later.

"Ok. I think I'm going to stay here some more time."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No. mum, go to work. I can handle with some time alone. I'm an adult, do you remember this?"

"Yes, baby."

"Mum!"

"I'm going, I'm going."

Rory looked at his mother with thankful eyes when she heard someone calling her name and she saw someone in front of her.

Jess was standing right in front of her, smiling. Jess was there, he was really there.

"Jess! My God, when did you arrive? Luke hasn't told me anything about your arrival."

"I've just arrived. It's a surprise. I'm staying with my mother, would you believe it?"

"That's wonderful."

"We get on well now."

"That's good."

"That's good? Rory, what's up? This is a stupid comment. You don't look happy, Rory. Is it my fault? Is it something I said?"

"Oh no, no, Jess, I'm happy to meet you."

"So?"

"Logan left me yesterday. We definitely broke up." she answered, and a single tear fell down across her face. "He left me and I don't even know why."

"Logan is a fucking ass; I've always known he was."

"Maybe this time you're right."

"I've always been right. Come on, Rory, he doesn't worth your tears."

"Thank you, Jess."

"You're too worthy to lose your time crying for him. You must go on."

Jess came closer to Rory and hugged her. She felt comfortable and safe, quietly breathing between his arms.

"Why don't you come out for dinner with me this evening?"

"I don't know, Jess. It all happened yesterday evening. It's too early for me."

"Is it too early to eat? Are you planning to fasten until you forget him? Don't be silly. We're old friends; you didn't forget this, did you? We could talk. You can even cry if you really need to."

Rory smiled. She was extremely in need to feel loved.

"Ok, I'll come."

"That's wonderful, really wonderful. I promise you won't regret it."

OOoOoOoOo

At the same time Emily was waiting from news from the OR. That morning she had woken Logan up and got him ready for the surgery. He was nervous although he didn't want to admit it.

She was absolutely sure that his parents would have come, but nor they would neither they had called to comfort him a little bit. He didn't seem to be expecting someone to arrive, but Emily felt very sad for him the same way.

Just before taking him to the OR she saw him whispering to that photo and kissing it. This made her feel depressed. She thought he would have deserved a real person to hug, anyway she had to remember to herself that she didn't truly know his situation. Maybe there was a reason to explain the fact that he was so alone.

The surgery was supposed to last at least seven hours, and there was no need for her to wait in the hospital, however she decided not to go away, so she spent her time reading, drinking coffee and arguing about Logan's life until she saw Dr. Sears going out the OR.

"Hi Emily. Where are Mr. Huntzberger's parents?"

"They're not here."

"Oh. That's peculiar. Fine, for once there's nobody to calm down."

"How did it go?"

"Frankly, not very well. He's had a big haemorrhage and we haven't been able to finish our work."

"Has it been useless?"

"Well, I hope al least it hasn't been harmful. Anyway, yes, it has been useless. Did you know anything about heart problems?"

"No, I didn't."

"Well, there have been some. A cardiologist is going to examine him as soon as possible."

"Did you see his MRI? What about metastasis?"

"There has a group in the liver, just one in the left lung and another group in the bone marrow."

"That's not good."

"It could be worst, but yes, that's not very good. Is he supposed to start chemo and radio?"

"Yes, as soon as possible."

"I hope he's lucky. He's fun, I had a nice conversation with him yesterday."

"I hope so, too."

"Now you can go, he's in the ICU. I think he's going to wake up soon, we gave him a light anaesthetic not to fatigue his liver too much."

"Thank you Dr. Sears."

"Goodbye, Emily."

She wore a sterile coat and entered the ICU. Dr. Sears was right: Logan was already awaking.

"Hey, don't worry, I'm Emily, I'm here. Do you remember where you are?"

He shook his head.

"You're into an intensive care unit. You've just had a surgery. Do you remember this?"

He nodded but he seemed to be extremely confused.

"You can't talk because there is a tube in your throat to help you breathing. Now I'm going to pose to you some questions to check your neurological condition. I'm going to help you writing down the answers, then you'll be able to sleep again. Ready? Ok. What's your name?"

He answered correctly but he still looked really… lost. This was the problem with brain surgery.

"Fine. What day is it today?"

He didn't move his hand.

"Come on, Logan, what day is it today?"

"No." he finally wrote.

"Ok, no matter. Now could you please lift your left hand?"

He lifted his right hand.

"Your left one, Logan."

He lifted his right one again.

"Fine." Emily said trying to hide her fear.

Logan moved his hand again.

"What's up? Do you want to write something else down?"

He nodded.

"Photo." he wrote.

"Do you want me to carry your photo here? I'm sorry dear, I can't. This is a sterile room, I can't bring it here."

"Please."

"I'm sorry, I really can't. You should feel no pain for the next few hours, so, please, try to sleep."

Emily felt a strong desire to hug him, but this was not professional, so she just caressed his cheek and hoped this would not have hurt him. He stared at her astonished, then he closed his eyes. She went on until he fell asleep. She wasn't sure she had done the right thing, nurses should not be too warm, but she really wanted to make him feel better, and that was the only idea she had.

Emily went away looking for Dr. Sears or for Dr. Moery. She felt even worst now. He couldn't remember what day it was but he didn't forget about his photo.

"What the hell had he done to that girl?"

Emily didn't still know her identity, but there was something which was clear: his patient was in love with her.

**AN As usual, sorry for my mistakes. I'm working hard to improve but I can ensure you that Italian is really different from English.**

**I'm not going to reveal whether this is going to be a Rogan or a literati (THANK YOU CHOCOHOLIC4824!! ) story, you have to go on reading if you want to find out. Hope you all like this chapter and let me know it. Criticism, suggestions, ideas and everything you want me to know are welcomed. See you soon!**

**A special thanks to: Curley-Q, Lexhuntzberger, chocoholic4824, Dazzled1, raspberrysorbet34, CorkyGilmore, IcyAngel23, MAC-and-ACE. Don't forget me!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN Just because most of you requested it I can officially announce this is ****in the end**** going to be Rogan. In the end and not now because I'm planning a long story -at least 12 chapters, maybe more- but those who are Rory/Logan fans as I am don't have to worry. There are characters in the show I detest -Mitchum and Jess for example- and I hope to make you all detest them too- just in this story, of course. I decided to write this also because I read a lot of Rogan and he's always the evil while Rory's always the victim. I like his character so much that I decided to write something different. Don't worry, Rory won't be really cruel, but… well, she won't be as perfect as she usually is in the show. As usual, sorry for my mistakes. I edited the first chapters to correct some mistakes I found (a special thank to Anonimous and raspberrysorbet34 ). I really want to tell Anonimous, GreysAddict21, …, CorkyGilmore, MAC-and-ACE, Holy Cross Baby, LexHuntzberger, Curley-Q, raspberrysorbet34, loganzahotie707, obsessornews56 that I'm glad they all like the story and that they reviewed. Your advice is important for me so please go on letting me know your opinion. Both criticism and laudations will be welcome, and if you have suggestions or ideas please let me know. Thanks a lot to those who read and don't review, too. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Love! Mcoiex.**

The following morning when Emily came back to work she found Logan awake. As soon as he saw her he moved his hand making her know he wanted to write something down.

"Good Morning, dear."

She gave him the pen and lifted his wrist to help him writing.

"Tube out."

"Do you want this tube out? I know it's annoying but you have to wait until Dr. Sears come to examine you, I can't do this. However, your oxygen blood level is quite normal so I think the doctor will agree to your request. Do you have headache?"

He nodded.

"I supposed you had. It's regular after a brain surgery. I'm going to give you some painkillers."

She looked at him and she felt again a strong desire to make him feel better. She caressed his forehead but suddenly stopped.

"Hey, honey, you are burning up. Did you sleep this night?"

He shook his head.

"Ok, ok, now I'm going to find a thermometer. Just wait for a moment."

A minute later she came back and put a thermometer into his ear. They both waited until it beeped.

"It's far too high, honey. Dr. Sears's arriving."

She went to the toilet and brought a wet towel, then she dabbed it on his forehead and stroke his sweaty hair.

"Don't worry, honey, don't worry."

That was the second time he had called him honey. This wasn't really professional, actually, but since the morning before she had started feeling protective, and, anyway, he didn't seem to dislike this.

At the same time Logan was wondering why someone his father was paying to nurse him was behaving so kindly. Emily's work was to cure him and not to comfort him.

Anyway, this was really comforting, and he felt deeply thankful. He knew that something was wrong. His head was aching badly and he wasn't able to focus things all around. Figures were blurred and colours were weird, while sounds seemed to arrive from far away. He was scared; he had never felt like this before. He felt really embarrassed too, and actually he was a bit disgusted by himself. Just a couple of months ago he was studying, living with Rory, having fun with his friends and with the LDB, and now he was forced to stay in a bed, defenceless and weak, with a stranger nursing him as if he was a baby, and all alone.

"You are miserable Logan Huntzberger, you really are." he thought.

His heart was beating faster and faster, and tears were threatening to flood his face despite his efforts to hide them. He felt desperate again.

"I won't cry, I won't. I'll get over this."

Emily saw his eyes glittering with tears and held his hands trying to be as reassuring as possible until Dr. Sears arrived.

"So, what's happening here?"

"He's got a temperature. It's high." Emily showed him the thermometer. She didn't want Logan to know how high it was not to scare him. She was already frightened enough, and she was a nurse, she was used to diseases and illnesses.

" I see. Well, let's run blood tests and start with antibiotics. How's his heart doing?"

"Not very well. The pulse is too fast."

"I'm going to ask to Dr. Moery to come, too. Now, Logan, could you please lift your left hand?"

He lifted his right one, and he realized what he had done. He tried to lift his left one again but failed and lifted his right one. His left hand wasn't moving and he didn't know why.

Suddenly, he panicked. He started moving his right arm and legs frantically and even grabbed the tube to take it out, but Dr. Sears managed to stop him.

"Honey, please, calm down, please, you're hurting yourself. Please. Come on, calm down." Emily whispered.

Logan couldn't understand what she was saying. He couldn't understand anything. All he could feel was panic and fear, and a sort of anguish which was capturing him. He didn't remember where he was or why he was here. Why was his head so painfully aching? Where was Rory? Why wasn't she here? He wanted to scream but no voice came out of his mouth. Suddenly, he blacked out.

"Thank God." Emily said.

"I wasn't expecting this."

"Neither was I, Doc."

"Ok, let's start with antibiotics now, and I'm going to remove the tube. His oxygen blood level is ok."

OoOoOoOo

When he came to Logan was calm and glad to discover that he was able to talk again.

"Emily."

"Hey, are you awake? How are you feeling?"

"What happened?"

"Your temperature was really high, you were very confused and you panicked."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop being sorry, ok? I can't stand it. This is my job, you know."

"I'm sorry."

"Please!"

They both laughed. He looked better and his face was not deadly pale as it was an hour before.

"Emily, how did my surgery go?"

"Oh, dear." she said while seating on the bed next to him. "Not very well, actually. You had a haemorrhage and the surgeon hasn't been able to remove the tumour."

"Oh." He suddenly felt as if someone had just out a heavy burden just in the middle of his chest.

"Don't worry; you're supposed to start chemo and radio as soon as your temperature rises down. We will get over this."

"Are you always so supportive when you work?"

"No, not always. Just when I do like my patient."

"I'm lucky."

"Yes, actually you are."

He smiled and his smile was warm and friendly. Emily thought she really like him, not just because he was her patient and she had to take care of him. She discovered he liked him like a person. If they would have met somewhere else they could have become friends. He was so nice.

"Emily, how's chemo like? I mean, I'm lucky because I had my hair cut for the surgery so I can't lose it, but what could happen?" He was trying to joke but his question was serious and so was the expression on his face.

"Frankly speaking, well, chemo is hard. It makes you feel deadly weak, nauseous. There are a lot of things that could happen, it changes from a patient to another, and I can't predict how you are going to react."

"Fine."

"The first cycle is going to last for three weeks."

"Fine."

"What does fine mean?" she asked.

"It means: ok, I'm going through this the best I can, I suppose."

"Logan, can I ask you a personal question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"You're welcome."

"Isn't there anybody who could come here with you? I mean, it would be easier with someone supporting you."

"No." he answered bitterly. "Nobody deserves to lose his time with me." he added so quietly that Emily didn't hear him, although she saw him fighting back tears again.

"Well, I know nothing about your life, but I can ensure you that you would feel better with someone close to you. Maybe your mother, couldn't she come? I saw a picture of her on the newspaper some days ago. She's a fascinating woman."

"Yes, she is."

"Why don't you call her?"

"Emily, I really don't know. My mother is not the kind of loving mother you're thinking about."

"She's your mother."

"I'm not sure she remembers this."

"What about Rory?"

He suddenly tried to sit down and almost pulled the IV tube out of his arm.

"How the hell do you know about Rory?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you. You called this name almost a hundred times while you were feverish."

"Have I been delirious?"

"Yes, but don't worry, this is regular. Your temperature was really high."

"What did I say?"

"I can't remember exactly. You talked about Rory and asked her to forgive you."

"Emily, please, forget this, forget that name. I don't want to talk her, I don't even want to think about her."

"Ok, I will. Don't worry, I will. Now, please, have a rest."

OoOoOoOo

Rory had just had a shower and now she was drinking coffee. Her mother was at the Inn and she was alone.

The day before she had spent a great time. Jess was a wonderful adviser, he had listened to her carefully and he had even made her laugh. There had been some moments in which she hadn't thought about Logan, and this was something she never expected to manage to do.

Although her heart was broken, she knew very well it was now time to forget him for good.

A sharp ring made her twitch. She opened the door and she saw Kirk with a bunch of marvellous red roses.

"These are for Miss Gilmore. Are you Miss Gilmore?"

"Kirk, you perfectly know who I am."

"This is the procedure. If you are Miss Gilmore, please, sign here."

"Thank you Kirk."

As soon as she closed the door she read the red card she had noticed between the flowers.

"_Odi et Amo / quare id faciam, fortasse requiris/ nescio, sed fieri sentio/ et excrucior. Jess." _

Her heart was beating fast. She wasn't still ready for this; she broke up with Logan just two days ago. That dinner has been a mistake, she shouldn't have gone.

She opened her hand and the card fell down, so she noticed that there were other words on the other side of it.

"_I know you aren't ready for this, but I'll wait. Thank you for being Rory. Your friend Jess."_

Much more than relieved, Rory took a deep breath and smiled.

OoOoOoOo

That night nurse Brenda was woken up by the alarm bell ringing from ICU 3.

She entered the room and turned the light on.

"Good Evening, Sir."

"Emily, is it you?"

"I'm Brenda, Mr. Huntzberger. Today is my night shift. What's the problem?"

"My headache. It's excruciating." He was hardly breathing and his temperature had risen up again. "I can't sleep, I can't think, and I think I just hallucinated."

"This is regular, Sir, lymphoma can cause these symptoms. I'm sorry I can't give you more painkillers; your liver wouldn't take it. You'll have to put up with the pain until tomorrow morning."

"Could you please bring me something from my room?"

"This is a sterile room."

"Please, oh, please." he begged her.

Brenda was doubtful. This was a sterile room, but she was feeling so bad for that guy, he was in so much pain.

"Fine. But I have to disinfect it first. What's it?"

"A frame. It must be on the night table."

Ten minuets later she came back.

"Here you are. Are you feeling a little better?"

"A little bit."

"I don't think so. You're looking even worst." she said observing his pale skin and the droplets of sweater crossing his face. "Maybe I should call Dr. Sears or Emily."

"Oh no, please, let them sleep, It's hard to stand me all day long."

Brenda smiled. "Press the button if you need something else."

"I will. Thanks a lot."

Logan took the photo. He could see her beautiful blue eyes even if the room was dark.

"Maybe I'm just imagining them."

With a sigh he closed his eyes, still hanging the frame firmly in his right hand, and finally he fell asleep.

**AN2 I worked hard on this chapter because I really wanted to describe carefully Logan's sadness and pain and to make you feel them, but I found it really hard to express this feelings using a foreign language, so, please, let me know if I manage to do it or no. Another question: do you like Emily? I'm planning for her an important role into the story but first I want to know if you like her or not. Thanks a lot!**


	5. Chapter 5

Emily remembered very well the exact moment in which she knew she hated the Huntzbergers.

Logan had started chemo and radio ten days before, three days later than he was supposed to. Dr. Moery firstly had decided to wait until his temperature would have risen down not to fatigue his body too much, but then he had changed his mind. He was still feverish but if they had waited some more time it would have been too late.

He wasn't reacting well to the therapy. Being sick and bringing up almost every time he tried to speak, he wasn't able to eat real food any more. This made him lose a lot of weight and made him weaker than he already was. He was delirious for most of the time, and when he was conscious headache, stomach-ache and a lot of different symptoms made him desire to fall into unconsciousness again.

Emily had already given up with professionalism and she had tried all she could to make him feel better. She had talked to him for hours, read for him, and cured him the most warmly she was able to, and although he was always saying he was feeling better she perfectly knew that her efforts had been useless. Even if he was hardly trying to be strong he was falling into sadness and depression and she didn't know what to do.

Emily sat on the bed and held his left hand, the one which wasn't still moving, although she knew he wouldn't have noticed it. His temperature was high again and, as usual, he was talking about that damned Rory. Every time he had been delirious he had talked about Rory, he was always talking about her, calling her, asking her to come back and forgive him for his behaviour. In the first few days Emily thought this was an obsession, a real obsession, and wondered if he had some kind of psychiatric problem, but she soon realized this wasn't right. He was just in love with that girl. Anyway, she decided not to reveal him what he said. She didn't want to upset him again, and there was no need for him to know it.

She was still wondering who Rory was, and why she wasn't here, but she didn't know how to find out something about her.

"Emily?"

"I'm here, honey. Why are you awake?"

"Because I'm not sleeping, I suppose."

"How's your head doing?"

"I've been better."

"Do you need something?"

"Could I have some water please?"

"Here you are."

She brought a glass closer to his lips and helped him drinking. When he started coughing and then gasped for air, she gently massaged his shoulders until he collapsed back against the pillow.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Emily, what day is it today?"

"It's Friday."

"I mean, what's the date today?"

"It's January, 28. You should shut up, now, dear. Save your breath."

"Happy birthday, Emily."

"My god, how did you know it?"

"I saw it on your IC when you showed me your photo some days ago."

"Thank you honey."

He smiled, then suddenly closed his eyes, and Emily knew that a sharp pain was torturing him again.

"Honey, is there something I can do for you?"

"Could you please give me the phone?"

"The phone?"

"My mobile phone."

"Of course. Wait a moment."

Logan was not sure he was doing the right thing, but at the moment that pain which has been torturing him for the past few days wasn't allowing him to think clearly.

He has always been proud, he has always been the one who could take care of himself, but now he wasn't sure he couldn't go on like that any more. He thought he could do this, but lying in a hospital bed all day round not being able to sit down, to feed himself or even to talk was too much for him. He desperately needed someone to help him through this, although this meant that he wasn't as strong as he thought he was.

He was going to call his mother, although he would have showed her his weakness. Despite she was mad at him for having refused to become Mr. Huntzberger junior, well, she was definitely his mother.

He dialled Shira's mobile number and waited for an answer.

"Hi Logan. How are you?"

"Hi mom."

When she heard him saying "Mom", Emily smiled. "Finally!" she thought.

"How are you doing?"

"I don't know, actually. I'm not feeling… very well."

"I'm sorry."

"I was wondering whether… er, whether… if you could maybe come here."

"Why? Isn't your nurse careful enough? Do you need money?"

"No, she's wonderful, but… maybe…" he breathed. This was really hard to admit. "I'm feeling… you know, I'm feeling alone. Maybe you could keep me some company."

"Actually, I'm very busy at the moment."

"Just for a couple of hours."

"I can't, I'm sorry."

"An hour? Or half an hour? It would be enough." he couldn't believe it. He was begging his mother to come and visit him.

"Logan, I can't. I can't run whenever you call as I've always done. You're old enough to take care of yourself."

"I'm… sick. This is not my fault."

"I'm sorry, I have to go know. Try to recover." she said, and hung up.

"So?" Emily asked anxiously. "Is she coming?"

"She isn't. She's too busy. She doesn't deserve to lose her time with me."

"Oh, Logan, this is silly. Maybe she was really too busy to come."

"She's my mother. My mother, and she is too busy to visit her son in hospital. Nice, isn't it?"

"Oh, Logan."

"Please, leave me alone."

"But…"

"Leave me alone, Emily."

He took the frame and stared at Rory smiling from the picture. He hoped she was happy now, he couldn't stand the idea of her being sad. Although he was feeling a miserable idiot, he held the photo tight against himself and let a single tear come down across his face.

AN Thanks a lot for your reviews. I know this chapter is short, I'm sorry. I'm not going to update tomorrow because I've got an exam soon and I have to study. I'll update as soon as possible. As usual, sorry for my mistakes and let me know your opinion. See you soon!


	6. Chapter 6

Emily was sitting next to Logan in the left side of his bed. She had been observing him behind the glass for the past three hours, firstly staring at his soul slowly shattering, then trying to ease his pain, and feeling useless for the whole time. She really wanted to strangle Mrs. Huntzberger using her own hands.

He had refused to talk and hadn't let her help or even touch him. After three hours of tremor she had forced him to take sleeping pills. He was now asleep, a sad look on his face which was clearly showing this was an artificial and not a quiet, peaceful rest.

Suddenly she heard his phone ringing and instinctively run out of the room not to wake him up.

Since he had been hospitalized Logan had never used his mobile, which had always been off into the wardrobe. It was extremely clear that he didn't want anybody to find him. Emily didn't know what to do. If she had answered, maybe she would have found someone who could help him, but this would have been an irresponsible, not professional behaviour; is she hadn't answered, he would have been alone again and again.

She inspired deeply and pressed the green button.

"Finally!" an agitated voice bawled. "Where are you, you fucking ass, you damned idiot? You disappeared without a word! It has been almost two weeks since we last heard from you! Can you imagine how worried we were? And that poor Rory! Where the hell are you, you bastard asshole?"

"Sir? May I know whom I am speaking to please?" Emily hesitantly asked.

"Sir? Did I dial the wrong number? Isn't it Logan's mobile? Of course you aren't Logan."

"No, actually I'm not, but you dialled the correct number."

"So might I know whom I am speaking to please?"

"My name is Emily Fineman. May I ask you what kind of relationship do you share with Mr. Huntzberger?"

"What kind of what?"

"Are you a relative? A college mate? A friend?"

"I am his best friend! The question his: who the hell are you?"

"I'm Mr. Huntzberger nurse."

"His nurse? Is it some strange sort of erotic play?"

"God, this man is maddening." Emily thought.

"Sir, are you drunk?"

"Of course I am."

Emily started to consider the possibility that answering the phone had been a mistake. This man was totally disconnected from reality.

"Sir, I am not joking. I am Mr. Huntzberger's nurse. He was admitted to New York Memorial about two weeks ago. I can't tell you everything, and actually I'm doing something illegal violating his privacy, but I think he deserves someone close to him right now, so, if you really are his best friend please come here as soon as possible."

"Where can I find you?" the boy stammered.

"How long will it take you to come here?"

"I think I can be there in an hour or so."

"I will be waiting for you to the cafeteria on the first floor. I'm the only red haired nurse on the floor; it will be easy to recognize me. What's your name, Sir?"

"I'm Finn."

"Fine. See you soon."

Emily hung up desperately hoping she had done the right thing.

OoOoOoOo

Rory was studying when she heard the bell ringing. She was still shocked but she was trying to pick up the pieces. Actually, Jess was picking up them. They had gone out everyday in the past two weeks, and that had helped her a lot. He was fun and sweet, he made her feel better, he made her feel good. This was something she had never expected to happen, al least not so early.

When she opened the door she saw him standing with a red rose in his hand.

"I'm sorry, Rory, I can't wait any more."

He came closer and tenderly kissed her. Rory stared at him for a moment, and then she kissed him back.

OoOoOo

Finn parked his car and run towards the entrance. He had driven as quickly as his car could stand until New York, not really focusing what he had just heard.

Logan has been in hospital for the past two weeks without them knowing it. Why did he hide such an important thing? What was happening to his best friend? His heart was beating so fast that he was surprised he was still able to breathe.

This wasn't the first time that one of them was in hospital. Living the way they lived, they were always hurting themselves with some stupid LDB exploit or poisoning themselves with alcohol. They were used to this. This time, however, it was different. Two weeks were a long time to be hospitalized, and hiding it was even weirder.

He entered the cafeteria and gave a worried look all around, then she saw a red haired, white dressed girl sitting at a table with a cup of coffee, all alone.

"Emily?"

"Finn?"

"Where's Logan? What's happening?"

"Sir." she started.

"Finn, please."

"Finn, please, sit down and calm down. He's sleeping now and I'm not going to wake him up, he needs his rest."

Finn did as he had been ordered to and sat down, deadly pale.

"So, what's his problem?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"I beg you pardon?"

"I'm sorry, I can't tell it to you, this is not my responsibility. I've already violated his privacy answering to his phone without his permission. I hope he'll tell you."

"Is there anybody here with him?"

"No. Nobody has come, nobody has called him. Considering your reaction, I suppose that nobody except for his family had been informed about his illness."

"So do I. This is weird. We have been friends for years. We usually talk about anything. There are no… secrets between the three of us, you know." Finn said. He was feeling quite embarrassed.

"The three of us?"

"Yes. Colin, the other boy, is on his way here. He is abroad but he's looking for a direct flight. Have you already said that his family know about this?"

"Yes, they do. Mr. Huntzberger senior employed me to take care of his son, and Logan tried to talk to his mother some hours ago. This is why I answered the phone. He doesn't usually use it, but today he was too… too depressed, I suppose, and I think he forgot it."

"Why was Logan depressed?" Finn was devastated. He had never imagined he would have used the words "depressed" and "Logan" together in the same sentence.

"His conditions had worsened a lot in the past few days. He couldn't go through this all alone, so he asked his mother to come and visit him once or twice, but she refused. He said that nobody deserved to lose his time with him, and then he refused to talk any more. He was trembling and his fever was rising up so I gave him some sleeping pills."

Finn remained astonished unable to talk anymore. His usual witty remarks seemed now so inadequate. He felt as if he had been thrown into an alternative world and he didn't know what to do.

"Can I see him? Can I stay here?"

"That was what I wanted to hear."

OoOoOoOo

When he opened his eyes Logan knew that his fever was too high again. His head was threatening to explode and things were blurred again. He saw a figure next to him which was extremely similar to Finn's figure and he knew he was also hallucinating again.

"How are you?" the figure said.

"Dreams don't usually talk." Logan answered.

"I'm really here. So, how are you?"

"Too feverish to understand whether I am hallucinating or not."

"You aren't."

"How the hell did you know it?"

"How the hell did you even think about not telling us you were going to be hospitalized?" Finn exclaimed. He was feeling upset, he was mad at him.

"We were worried, you fucking bastard asshole. You disappeared without a single word. What if I hadn't found out about you? Would you have just lied down here all alone and let us there waiting for you to contact us? Did you ever consider that maybe we… On my God. This is totally crazy."

"I'm sorry."

"Listen to me. I'm going to talk seriously and this is an event that one can witness once or twice in his life. I know the three of us are always joking and having fun but I was sure that you knew that if you had a problem, any sort of problem, you could count on us. I think it was clear that we were friends not just while we were having parties or flirting with women. We do care of you, you fucking ass, and we are here for you. You need help right now, you desperately need help, no matter you are going to admit it or not. Colin is on his way here, and we're not going away until you can come with us using your own feet. Have I been clear enough?"

"I suppose so."

"Fine." Finn said. He was expecting him to fight, he was too docile. "Now, would you please tell me what the problem is?"

"No, I wouldn't."

"I beg you pardon?"

"I'm too sick to talk, and I need Emily to come here as soon as possible, but… I really want you two to help me. Even though it is humiliating, I know I can't go through this on my own. I'm sorry for not having told you the truth. The past two weeks have been hell for me. Thank you, thanks a lot, and please don't… don't…."

"Don't?"

"Don't go away." he whispered.

Finn froze. He was broken, this was the truth. He was a man but in that moment he felt a huge desire to hug him and tell him that everything would have been right, that they were going to fix him.

"We won't, don't worry, we won't."

_AN Hope you all like this. I loved writing this chapter because I adore these friendship moment. As usual sorry for my mistakes. Thanks to everybody who reviewed the last chapter, I'm going to thank you all one by one in the next chapter. Don't abandon me and go on letting me know your opinion. Thanks a lot again!_


	7. Chapter 7

A shy sunshine woke Rory up; she opened her eyes and felt that something was wrong. It was too hot in there. She turned her head and saw Jess still sleeping next to her. She felt suddenly weird: she was used to see Logan close to her. However, she liked it; it made her feel peacefully happy and quiet. She closed her eyes trying to fall asleep again but suddenly kind, caring lips came closer to hers. She kissed Jess back, being truly thankful; feeling loved and cared of what was she needed at the moment.

Logan seemed to really care of her, to desire happiness and love for her. What a liar he was.

"Good morning dear."

"Good morning Jess."

"It has been a long time since I last slept with you."

"Yes, it has."

"It would be nice not to only… sleep. You know what I mean."

"Jess, I'm not ready for that. I'm not sure I was ready to sleep with you, actually. I spent -I wasted- a whole year with Logan."

A sad expression fell down on Jess' face.

"Rory, did you like it? I mean, spending your night with me."

"I did." Rory admitted.

"So, it's alright."

"I suppose so." Rory answered.

"What are we doing today?"

"I need to rent some books from Yale's library. Would you like to come to New Haven with me?"

"I'd love it."

OoOoOoOo

"Good morning."

"You're really here. I mean, that was not a feverish dream."

"I am real and, what is really really unusual, sober."

"Oh my God. First you speak seriously, then you are sober. I can't believe it."

"Yeah, neither do I."

"Did you sleep here? There was no need to do so."

"I know it, but staring at you wearing a hospital gown is one of the funniest things I can think of."

"I'm fascinating, aren't I?"

"Would you like me to provide something to eat?"

"No, thanks."

"I think you should have breakfast."

"I can't. I'm having chemo session today. If I eat now I'm going to meet all my breakfast again later."

"Oh. Chemo session." Finn stammered.

"Yeah."

"Logan, would you please…"

"Cancer. Lymphoma."

"Sounds… scaring."

"Not as much as seeing you drunk, believe me."

Logan breathed deeply.

"Stop it, Finn. I'm not going to become used to listen to you talking seriously."

At that moment Emily entered the room with a wide, sunny smile on her face.

"Good morning to you both. Have you had a good night?"

"We both slept all night long."

"Wonderful. So, Finn, why don't you go and have a coffee?"

"Are you pushing me away?"

"Actually I am."

"I don't know if I can stand this shame." he said in a dramatic voice and then he went out.

As soon as he reached the cafeteria he let himself really think to what he had just discovered. Cancer. His best friend was ill with cancer. When he heard that word he felt as if he had been punched violently in his stomach. He was so astonished that he wasn't even able to think clearly, to decide how to handle with this, how to behave, how to react.

Suddenly his mobile phone rang.

"Finn."

"Finn, it's Colin, I'm five minutes far from the hospital."

"I'm waiting for you in the parking." he answered standing up.

Ten minutes later he saw Colin parking his car, a dark shadow on his face. When he went towards him he saw Honor sitting in the other seat. She got out of the car, crying desperately.

"Honor, calm down. Please." Finn said softly.

"My parents… didn't… tell me… about him. I didn't know he was in hospital. He has cancer, my brother's ill with cancer…". She started weeping again.

"Honor, come on, It's Logan we are talking about. He's a rock. He'll get out of this."

"I'm sure he will." Colin added. "We'll help him through this."

"I'm not going away until he's back on his feet. Can I see him?"

"Emily sent me away, I think there's a reason, and so I suggest everybody having a coffee."

"Who's Emily?" Colin asked.

"She's his nurse. She's nice. How did you find out… you know, about the cancer?"

"I called Honor as soon as my plane landed, and she called the hospital."

"Now, let's go. She needs to sit down."

OoOoOoOo

Half an hour later they went to Logan's room and found it empty. Honor panicked.

"What happened? Finn, what happened?" she shouted.

"Don't worry." a soft voice answered.

"Don't worry, he's having chemo session."

Honor froze.

"This is Emily." Finn said.

"Emily, this is Colin and she's Honor, Logan's sister."

Emily frowned. She was a Huntzberger, and she hated them.

"She didn't know about Logan, their parents didn't tell her."

"Oh that's out of any kind of…" Emily started. "I'm sorry. I know this is not my own business."

"Anything you were going to sad, well, this was right."

"Can we stay with him during the chemo session?" Colin asked worriedly.

"I suppose so, but not all of you. One person will be enough."

"I'm coming." Honor said nervously.

"Fine."

As soon as the two girls left, Finn and Colin looked at each other.

"So." Colin asked "How's he?"

"I… well, he's… not very good. He lost a lot of weight and he's… down, really down."

"We are here now."

"Yes, we are."

"I need to go to New Haven to take some clothes and other stuff."

"Yes, so do I."

"We can go now."

"Let's go."

OoOoOoOo

Finn and Colin were walking through the campus to reach their apartment. A big car accident had caused a lot of traffic so they decided to park the car and walk, and the way through the campus was the shorter one. They hoped not to meet someone they knew not to have to talk, they weren't in the right mood to chat.

"When did it happen?"

"What?"

"When did parties and LDB trips stop and when have we been thrown into real life?"

Finn sighed and started to look for a wise, comforting answer to give to his friend when he stopped and froze.

Rory was standing just in front of them, about two hundreds meters far, kissing a handsome black-haired boy.

"Is it real?"

"Yes." Finn answered, barely able to breath. "Let's go away."

"But…"

"Let's go away. We don't know what the situation is like. Let's go away. We aren't telling him this. Let's go."

OoOoOoOo

During their drive they hadn't talked at all. They felt so bad for him. As soon as they reached the room and just before entering Colin broke the silence.

"I don't know if I can see him like this."

"You have to."

"What if we won't be able to handle with this?"

"The same answer: we have to."

"I'm scared."

"I am too." Finn answered, even if he was sure to be at least a little bit more ready to what he was going to see. Although he had just had a chemo session, he couldn't be really different from that morning.

But when he entered the room and came face to face with the scene in front of him Finn felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. Logan, exhausted and looking barely alive, was heaving violently into the can that Emily held under his chin. Honor sat on the bed behind his brother, one arm looped around his waist, the other on his forehead, literally holding him up. He was drenched in sweat, deadly pale, with little tears of pain coming out of the corners of his eyes, and it was clear he wasn't able to lift his head. Finn felt his legs shaking.

"This is real." Colin whispered.

_AN Sorry for not having the time to thank you all one by one… I promise I will, and please, don't stop letting me know your opinion, this is crucial to me. I hope to hear advice and criticism from you. Sorry for my mistakes again, and sorry for the literati moments. They are important for the story, but I am a huge Rogan and I'm going to prove it, don't worry. I know they are made for each other! _

_Thanks again, you are wonderful._


	8. Chapter 8

Honor went out of the room more than an hour later and sat down on the floor next to Finn and Colin who were waiting for news.

"He has been sick for a very long time." Colin said.

"I've never seen someone suffering so much before." Honor whispered in alow voice.

A couple of minutes later Emily went out too.

"He's quiet. Honor, you've done a good job."

"Is he really sleeping? Is it over?"

"Well… no. He's probably going to wake up. Chemo hit him really hard, but it's just the first day, then he is going to feel better."

"Until the next session."

"It's wonderful that you all are here, but you need to be strong. He needs you to be strong." she smiled. "Now, I think you should go and have lunch, then, Honor, you need a rest. I'm going to stay here with him."

"I can stay, too." Finn said.

"Great. Where are you going to stay?"

"Can't we stay here?" Honor asked anxiously.

"One of you can sleep here, not all the three of you. This is the rule, I'm sorry."

"There's no problem, we can find a hotel."

"So, go now. Come on."

Emily smiled again and entered the room followed by Finn. Logan wasn't awake but at the same time he didn't seem to be sleeping. Emily sat on the bed and started gently massaging his shoulders. He opened his eyes.

"Honey, are you feeling better?"

"A little bit." he whispered.

"Fine."

"Where's my sister?"

"She went to have lunch. Finn is here."

He turned his head and looked at him.

"You look awful."

"I can ensure you're not going to win Mr. America this year."

"Hey, I've just had a chemo session. It authorizes me to be ugly. What's your excuse?"

"I'm too sober."

"Yes, you definitely are."

They both laughed and suddenly Logan started coughing.

"Emily, I think I'm going to be sick… again."

"Don't worry, Honey, we're right here. Please, lift him."

"No." he said "Please, I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to see this."

"Too late, I'm right here." Finn answered.

"Be careful with his back."

Logan was embarrassed, ashamed of letting him go through this. The last time they met they had just come back from an LDB trip, they were happy, laughing and drunk, and now this. Anyway, he had no choice.

When Finn lifted him and held him up he felt him shivering slightly.

He felt as if his heart had been trapped into an icy trap. Logan's usual playfulness and joy had now gone, his cheerfulness had disappeared. He was in so much pain.

Then it all started again. As the minutes passed and it wasn't going to stop Finn felt his friend becoming more and heavier in his arms, more exhausted and closer to unconsciousness, with no more life in him, just like a doll. He was still holding him up, and, although he really wanted to offer him reassurance words, he was unable to speak.

When it all finally finished, he collapsed back against Finn's chest, barely able to breathe. He was hot at the touch and delirious again, talking again about Rory.

"Let me help you making him lay down, Finn."

Emily put a couple of pillows under his head, then she went out and Finn followed her.

"Is he going to sleep?"

"I hope so, al least for an hour or so. He was exhausted."

"Emily… does he usually talk about someone named Rory?"

Emily looked at him and a sad shadow darkened her beautiful smile.

"Yes, every time he's delirious."

"Oh."

"Finn, sit down. You did a good job, too." She came closer to her and hugged him. Although he was devastated by the events of the past hours, Finn liked it.

OoOoOoOo

While they were having lunch at the cafeteria, Colin decided he had to talk with Honor about what they had seen in New Haven.

"Honor. There's something I want to tell you."

"No more bad news, please, I've had enough for my whole life."

"I saw Rory kissing a boy in New Haven."

Honor froze.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am."

"She probably doesn't know about him. She certainly doesn't. She loves him."

"Two weeks are a short time to forget about the man you are in love with."

"She's just trying to forget. If she wanted to push her away, he must have been extremely mean. You know he can be the meanest boy in the world."

"Honor, this could be true, but please, consider that things could also be different."

"She loves him, I know it."

Colin sighed. He hoped that Honor was right.

"I think… I think that we can help him, but she is the one that he would really like having close to him. He loves her more than his own life, and I'm sure he didn't tell her just to protect her from suffering."

"We're not going to tell him about this, Honor."

"Of course you aren't. I'm going to call her."

"Honor, I don't know… we can't ignore his decisions."

"Of course we can."

"Honor…"

"Do you really want him to die without her?" Honor shouted, tears crossing her beautiful face.

"He isn't going to die."

"I'm going to call her."

Honor dialled the number and waited for an answer, her heart beating faster and faster.

"Hi! This is Rory Gilmore. I can't answer but please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as possible. Bye!"

Honor breathed deeply.

"Rory, it's Honor. I really need to talk to you. It's about Logan. I don't know what happened between the two of us, but I'm sure he didn't tell you the truth. He's… sick, really sick, Rory. He doesn't know I'm calling you and he'll probably be mad at me but I think he needs you. Please, come to New York Memorial and call me back. Please, Rory, he needs you."

OoOoOoOo

Jess was reading a book comfortably sitting on the couch, waiting for Rory who was having a shower, while he heard the answering machine beeping and someone talking about Logan with teary voice.

He went in the corridor and listen to the message again. It took him just a moment to understand the whole situation, and he felt as if his own castle of sand had just been destroyed.

He was not going to lose Rory, not again.

He deleted the message. The day after he was going to have a trip to New York.

_AN I promised Jess being a jerk and this is starting. Hope that all the Rogan fans like it. I do. As usual, sorry for my mistakes and thanks a lot to Reyes, lexhuntzberger, Curley-Q, sailor cyanide, Anonymous, Holy Cross Baby, BeautyAce, Bess, Gilmore7, illnevertell, jmhater, CorkyGilmore, mrmp, 4evergilmoregilrs, manhttangal43, maggymoo21, larrules, MAC-and-ACE, Clairebl, AminalLuv, AceakaRoryMacakaLoganfan, NaleyBrucasFan-aka Lizzy, sicklittlesuicide, raspberrysorbet34: you all wonderful, don't forget me. Thanks a lot!_


	9. Chapter 9

_AN This chapter is going to be very long and very, very painful. Those who are Jess fan might not read it. I found it really hard to write it because there were a lot of things I wanted to write to describe their feelings, and I don't know whether I have been able to do it or not. That's why I hope to know your opinion about this. The first part of the chapter is about Finn. I know you all want to discover what's going to happen between Jess and Logan, but please give a little bit of attention to Finn too: I like him and I'm going to give him a great part in the story. Hope you all enjoy the chapter!_

Logan slept for most of the afternoon, being in and out and occasionally blabbering confused words. Honor, Colin and Finn stayed with him trying to comfort him as much as possible until evening. When dinner time came, Emily invited them to go and have a long, sleepy night.

"You all need your rest. This has been a hard day."

"One of us can stay here with him for the night, can't he?" Honor asked.

"Sure."

"I'm staying." she answered.

"No, you aren't." Colin ordered, and both Finn and Emily stared at him surprised by his tone.

"Colin, what the hell…?" Finn asked.

"She can't."

"Well, Colin's right, I think it's better for me to come back to the hotel."

"Fine, I'm staying here." Finn decided.

"No, I can stay; you've already spent your last night here."

"And you spent your last night travelling from Greece to USA, so, please, go. I'm staying."

"Oh… ok. Fine. So, have a good night. Good Night, Emily."

As soon as they disappeared behind the elevator's door, Emily glanced at Finn with an inquiring look on her face.

"Are there any problems with her?"

"No, I don't think so. Maybe she just had to meet Josh."

"Josh?"

"Her husband. They got married some months ago."

Emily went closer to the glass and observed the room.

"He's still asleep. It would be so great if he could have a quiet night. Chemo is terribly hard for him."

"Aren't you going home?"

"I'm not. I always stay here the night after a chemo session."

"You're so… nice."

"That's my job, but I also like him, a lot."

Finn smiled.

"So do I, especially when he's asleep."

"I'm going to buy some coffee. We need caffeine for the night. Wait for me in the room."

"Fine."

When Emily came back they both sat on the floor in the little balcony just in front of his bed. It was a good place; they could see him and talk without waking him up at the same time.

"You all are so… sweet. I mean, I know you're a man and that these is girlish stuff and that men don't like to talk about feelings, but you seem to care of each other so much. He should have told you the truth."

"He was just trying to protect us from suffering, although I think he was sure we would have discovered it, first of later. We wouldn't have accepted his disappearance without a reason."

"How did you meet each other? I mean, you must have known each other for half a life."

Finn laughed.

"You're wrong. We have known each other for five years, just five years."

"You look like you have been friends for your whole existence."

"When we met… well, we were able to understand each other. We had the same past. It was something that had never happened before." Finn shouted up. "I've never talked about this with anyone. Men don't talk about their friendships."

"Come on, I'm curious. I'm a nurse; I'm used to hear any sort of story. Could you please forget you are a boy for half an hour?"

"Well, it has just been a coincidence, I suppose, one of the best in my life but a coincidence as well. We had the same past, the same needs and we were in the same place at the same time."

"My mother died when I was nine, she was the one who had kept my family together. My father was broken, although he's an ass he deeply loved her, and seeing me just remembered him about her. He couldn't stand having me around, so he sent me to the UK to study. I'm sure you couldn't believe it but I attended Eton. I hated all that snob, rich boys, life in England was different from life in Australia, everybody was so… mean. I didn't make friends, I spent all my days studying and playing the violin and being the greatest idiot of all times. When I was fourteen I started high school in London, and then I changed a number of schools until St. Andrew.

Colin's father works for US embassy. I think he hasn't ever realized that the thin boy standing next to him in the official photos on the newspapers is his son. His parents don't care about him, at all. My father has at least a reason to explain the fact that he doesn't like me, while his parents just gave birth to him to have someone to show to their friends at the parties, and they never tried to hide it. He desperately desired their love for his whole life, and, although he never talks about them, I'm sure he still does. When I met him in St. Andrew he told me he had lived in eleven different countries, and that they used to move again as soon as he learnt the new language. He had no friends just as I had no one in the world. What was fun was that, even though he was American, he had never lived in English speaking countries before, he had just studied English as a foreign language and he couldn't speak it very well; that made him feel even more alone. Anyway, the fact that he can speak seven languages is now pretty useful when we go… you know, girl-watching."

"What about Logan?"

"His parents are fucking ass just as ours are, but I think you've already guessed it. Well, they had a child after Honor just because they needed a male heir for the company. His mother is a stupid bitch just interested in dresses and parties, while his father… Logan has always desired his father's approval more than anything else, although he has never admitted it, but anything he did, this wasn't enough for Mitchum. Nothing has ever been enough for Mitchum Huntzberger. Any time he pushed Logan away, any time he told him he was just a failure, Logan started to behave as an idiot, getting drunk, wasting money, hurting himself. He was just trying to prove himself that he didn't need his father's love, that he wasn't like him. Logan was deeply convicted he wasn't enough for anything and anybody until he met Rory. Anyway, I don't think I should talk about her.

To finish the story, when we met we found out we were able to understand each other more than anyone else, that we were able to offer each other what each of us truly needed, a kind of family. We have never - I mean, never- had a conversation about ourselves and our relationship, but the fact is that since we met what happens to one happens to all of us. That's all."

Emily didn't say anything.

"Hey, are you still awake? Have I been too boring?"

"Sorry for telling this, but I didn't imagine you were the kind of person who could have deep thoughts."

"Thank you."

"You know what I mean."

"You're right, I'm not the kind of boy who spends a lot of time thinking, but if I hadn't them, I would be alone and desperate. They are the closest thing to a family in my life. I spent a lot of time thinking about them. However, don't tell them about this conversation. If you do, I'll deny it all."

"I won't."

"What about you?"

"Me? What do you want to know? I am the curious one."

"You are a wonderful listener. I can be, too."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. So, tell me your story."

"I don't have a story, my life isn't as interesting as yours."

"I adore boring stories."

"You're stubborn, aren't you?"

"I was born in 1979 in Corrington, Iowa. It was a rainy night…."

"Oh, stop it, I told you something I had never talked about before, and I met you just a day ago, so the least you can do is being as serious as I have been."

"Fine, fine. Ok, my parents are wonderful and I love them. They have got a little laundry. I have got six siblings, I'm the eldest. I wanted to become a doctor but my parents couldn't afford it, and I wasn't clever enough, so I decided to become a nurse. Anyway, I'm proud of it, I really like my job; when I make one of my patients feel better, well, I think I couldn't have done a better choice.

I've got a boyfriend, Nate, but things aren't going very well. He thinks I usually spend too much time in hospital and I think he's cheating on me Definitely, we were fine until I think of a problem. I love strawberries, climbing and anything that has to do with mountains; I hate cooking, pop music and sunbathing. That's all, I suppose."

"Wow. It seems that you know very well who you are."

"I do." she frankly answered.

Finn stared at her. Her emerald eyes were lost in the skyline; her beautiful red hair was lightened by the soft light coming from inside. She appeared to be quietly satisfied of her life, to be exactly who she wanted to be. Finn had never met someone like her before.

"This is amazing."

"Come on, we have to come back. I'm freezing."

"Thank you, Emily. I've had a great time, and I really needed it."

"Yes, I knew you did."

Logan was still peacefully asleep, but when Emily came close to him and put a hand on his forehead she frowned.

"His temperature rose up."

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing. Sleeping is the best medicine for him now. You can use the other bed to get some hours of rest, too."

"I can stay awake." he said; "with you." he thought. As soon as this idea came across his mind, he felt terribly guilty. She was Logan's nurse, there was no time for this kind of things now. Changing his mind, he laid down and closed his eyes.

OoOoOoOo

Finally, the moment came.

Jess had been waiting for the right moment for the whole morning. He needed to talk to Logan alone, and a lot of people were always with him. Now it was lunchtime and just a nurse was reading sitting on a chair in front of the room.

For a moment Jess felt guilty. He had spoken with his doctor pretending to be Logan's brother in law and he knew he had cancer. Anyway, he was going to fight for his Rory, and if this meant to break him, well, he was going to do it without regret.

"Hi. I'm a friend of Logan. I've come to visit him."

"Nice. He's sleeping now but you can wait for him to wake up."

"Can I wait in the room?"

"Sure."

Jess entered, sat down and observed him. He was pale and it was clear that he was really ill.

Ten minutes later Emily came in.

"I'm going to help nurse Brenda in the room 5. Call me whenever you need."

"Fine."

As soon as she left the room, Jess grabbed Logan's arm and shook it violently until Logan opened his eyes.

He saw Jess standing in front of him and thought he was hallucinating again, that he was hallucinating badly. This was the worst nightmare of ever.

"Logan, are you awake? Do you hear me?"

"Are you real?" he whispered.

"I need to talk to you, so, please, for once try to make your brain work and listen to me. I'm sorry for your… situation, but I don't need to worry, that's not a problem of mine."

Logan's heart started beating faster and faster. Jess was in front of him, he wanted to talk to him. He was weak and nauseous, his head was aching, his mouth was dry and Jess wanted to talk to him. This was definitely a nightmare.

"Why are you here? How did you know?"

"Shut up, please. There's no need for you to talk and I can't stand your blabbering, even though I suppose this is the best you can do."

The old Logan Huntzberger would have fought and shouted, but the present one just stared at Jess with no energy to face him.

"Fine. Now, you probably don't know that someone named Honor -I guess she's your sister or a friend- yesterday called Rory and told her you were sick and in desperate need of company. This hurt her a lot. She was worried, although we didn't imagine how bad it was. Anyway, she wanted to come here, although she is still mad at you. Do you know why? Well, that was compassion, pity. She felt sorry for you.

After your behaviour, after having seen you being unfaithful, she came back to Stars Hollow, to the man she really belongs to. It's me that Rory loves, me and not you. You just bought her love, Logan, but I stole her soul years ago. She sent me here to tell you not to try to contact her again. She's happy with me, satisfied and peaceful. She doesn't want to hear from you any more.

Now, I am not cruel, I can see very well that your situation is miserable, and that you are too. If you really want her, you can have her: just tell her how sick you are and she'll run here. But is this what you really want for her? You're dying, Logan, looking at you is enough to see that you are barely alive. Do you really want her to go through this, considering the fact that she doesn't love you at all? If you love her, then take the right decision. Goodbye, Mr. Huntzberger."

Jess went away. He was feeling deeply guilty now, he knew he had almost killed him, but, definitely, Rory was worth this. He thought of her and felt happier. She was his, now. Logan had gone.

It took him a couple of minutes to understand what he had just heard. As soon as he realized that Rory had gone, that she had really gone -there was no doubts, Jess was saying the truth, otherwise how could have he find out about his behaviour in the weeks before?- that she was in love with someone else, he felt his soul breaking.

Maybe she had never truly loved him. How could it be possible to love someone and forget about him in two weeks?

He felt his heart slowly, painfully shattering. He had never suffered so much before. He started shaking violently. Rory, his Rory, the love of his life, was now gone, she belonged to Jess. There was no reason for him to survive now.

Tears started falling down his cheeks, more and more quickly, and he couldn't do nothing but let them go. He wanted to shout, to break things, to beat someone.

He wasn't able to think or to understand what was happening any more. That pain was so deep and unbearable to drive him crazy, literally crazy.

Fresh air was what he needed at the moment. Although he was feeling dizzy and weak, he sat on the bed.

This effort almost made him faint. He wasn't able to lift himself but he tried the same to get off the bed. As soon as his feet reached the floor, his legs gave way and he fell to the ground.

He felt deeply disgusted. He was disgusting, not being able to walk, to feed himself, with no more dignity or proud. He felt half a man, not a human being any more, but even thinking about how miserable he was couldn't make him stop from crying his heart out.

When they all came back they found him curled into a foetal position, shivering and weeping on the floor.

_AN Please don't hate me you all Rogan fan. Rory is going to find out it soon- I promise that Rogan action is coming in a couple of chapters. Please, don't stop following me and my story. See you soon!_


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